| i'm high enough from all the waiting |
[Dec. 3rd, 2009|04:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Cake-Frank Sinatraaaahhhhhhh | ] |
to ride a wave on your inhaling
'Cause I love you no?
Can't help but love you, no...
Is this it is this it is this it?
Well my sister didn't exactly respond how I had imagined. But now I know we are in agreement that our family has many issues which we would both like to fix but don't know how. I think I might just hold my expectations for myself and my ability to fix problems too high. Out of the reach of reality. I think maybe I am too far out in the clouds. But then I think why? Why does reality and our dreams have to be two different things. Can't we just do our best to make them one?
All I know is my soul has been pouring itself out all over the place and I am starting to worry if it is just making everything even worse of a mess then if I had just kept my soul to myself, all in a line single file.
Although, i don't think I could even is I wanted to. Now it is just deeply embedded into my everyday life. And really, I wouldn't rather have it any other way. I guess I just feel the need to second guess myself. I don't want to ever become too confident in myself. That is when you fall. And the universe shows you that you do not know it all and never could. The universe is the only one that can know everything. I dunno, maybe I am just jealous. I wish I could be the universe. :D that sounded silly. |
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| full moon |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|03:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | i wish | ] |
Just put some money in the bank. and it feeeels soooo good!
Thanksgiving was strange. My sister wasn't there, i missed her. We called her though, that was nice. I also talked to Dave, miss him too. Aunt Dawn left so dinner ended up just being Lauren, Mom, Dad, Aunt Pam, and I. It also ended up being an enormous political debate where Lauren and I just sat there pretending to enjoy ourselves while shoving our food into our mouths. Yum, this is good food:/ weird. I have just recently realized how fucked up my family is and I think what is the most bizarre part is that it took me so long. How is it that I am just now finding this out? I mean, I guess a had a sneaking suspicious, but now it is just blatant. There is no escaping it. I thought of a great idea while talking to Andrew this morning. I just messaged my sister about it so now I am excited to see her reaction. I hope it is what I think it's going to be which is probably absolute glee! I'll tell you guys about it if it pulls through. If not, that is just embarrassing...
I hate school right now. The end of the semester blows. I feel like I'm sitting inside of a compressor right now that is soon going to go beyond my limits of compression and explode me into a billion bits. That might be kind of nice actually. My many parts can form into more fish for the ocean and more trees for the rain forests. I can help the people and plants flourish as I fall from the clouds in the form of raindrops ready to refresh the thirsty Earth. or maybe snow. That's what we are in store for, is lots and lots of snow. I am actually extremely pumped for some deliciously white and serene days full of hibernation, warm fluffy scarfs, and Christmas trees. Winter gets such a bad rap but really I think winter is one of the most beautiful times of the year. It is the time we must spend inside our cocoons in order to spring out of them full force as a butterfly ready for flight. And if I, a summer baby obsessed with bathing in the unmerciful beams of the sun all day long, can say that, then all of you cranky negative Nancys can do it too. If we are to have a winter we might as well enjoy that shit! We are Michiganders after all.
Now homework. That's getting ourselves into to whole 'nother story. I could complain about homework all day and night. And that's something we actually do have the power to change. |
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| A boy with a coin |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|05:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Iron and Wine | ] |
he found in the weeds
With bullets and pages of trade magazines
Close to a car that flipped on the turn
When God left the ground to circle the world
A girl with a bird she found in the snow
Then flew up her gown and that's how she knows
If God made her eyes for crying at birth
Then left the ground to circle the earth
A boy with a coin he crammed in his jeans
Then making a wish he tossed in the sea
Walked to a town that all of us burn
When God left the ground to circle the world
I am having the most marvelous day.
I opened Kaya this morning. I feel as if I'm getting really good at my job:)
Then I went to studio and made a few more prints of my angel. They turned out pretty good, the first was kind of dark but I did like her on the cream paper. I can't wait to paint them. The color is what really makes her vibrant.
My next project, I have decided, will have something to do with throwing coins into a body of water while making a wish. I am really excited. I think I have learned that I must first take a metaphor and then turn it into a image-instead of trying to take all the images already in my head a turning them into a metaphor. This just causes repetition. If I first have the metaphor then the image that occurs ends up being completely new. If this is true this will help when A LOT when I am trying to think of ideas. I don't know, we'll see. |
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| and i try not to worry |
[Nov. 18th, 2009|04:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Modest Mouuuuse | ] |
but you've got me terrified
it's like we are in some kind of hurry
to say good bye
This morning I woke up surprisingly refreshed and awake feeling. I actually caught myself for a second about to pretend to be really tired, just because that was what I had expected and so I thought I should fulfill those expectations-but then I thought something like: you aren't tired. that's good. you are going to need to be.
And then I went to work and had an amazing morning full of sunshine and smiling old people showering me with good mornings and how do you dos. My co-worker, Megan, who had been the closer the night previous, left me a note saying nice things and telling me to just press play on the ipod for some beautiful morning music. I did. Horse Feathers. They were good, but mostly it just got me off to a great start! How can I get upset about anything after that? My spirits were lifted to the skies and since then the rest of my day has felt like floating.
I cannot wait 'til I'm old. Old people know so much. You can see behind their eyes how calm a perspective they have of the world. How easy it is for them to see the truth. They know theirs fears and anxieties and have faced them time and time again. I yearn for that life so much. Waking to the sun rise and sleeping to it's disappearance. Reading the news and baking pies and holding hands with my lover on long walks through the woods. Having the time to sing and dance and paint and read books upon books upon books; even though my eyes will become reduced to a big fat lenses that will need to be held in front of my face.
Hopefully by then I have showed all the love that I wanted to to everyone in my life whom I loved; given back to all of those which gave to me; experienced all of the adventures I had dreamt of experiencing.
There is no use in rushing. I don't know when I am done; what happens when I am.??? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|03:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Shinsss | ] |
I don't know if I am learning a life lesson here is life is trying to tell me fuck off!! But either way I am beginning to see now that nothing, really NOTHING, is perfect. Even the really really good things have their bad things, maybe even really really bad. I cannot go in expecting perfection, or my hopes will always be disappointed and I will walk through life always feeling sad or on the edge of sadness. The only way to find happiness is to create your own. There is no finding it elsewhere-it is within you and only you. Yes, you can take things that you love from the outside ans bring them into heart and give them a home there but don't expect them to make your heart full. I don't know that your heart can be full before you die. Maybe death is that final step. Or maybe every time I try to say something I end up saying the same thing I said last time. I wish I could just stop talking myself in circles already! I think that might help my situation an awful lot! Maybe I just need to start talking to the skies again. Stop feeling ashamed about the things that make me happy. I need to not be embarrassed, bashful, insecure. Believe in myself. Why is that hard? When I look in the mirror I'm fine. It's just taking that reflection and showing it to the world that hurts. That is hard. I need to get past this pain. Please God help it make me stronger. let me be strong. I want to be strong!
Must go to work.
I miss Andrew already. And he is not responding to my cries for his love. :((((( |
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| Karma Police |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|12:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Death Cab | ] |
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
I always thought he was singing Arrest myself. You know, like you being arrested by your own self; karma; karma police. I just now realized that isn't so. How strange, my perspective of the song has completely changed. Now I feel as maybe it about how when we commit a crime we commit that crime on all of humanity, past, present, and future and in paying our price for that crime we can get lost amongst all of the ghosts, and corpses, and bodies trying to fight for the same thing. The end. The eternal rest.
I successfully concluded my 30 day positive thinking vow. Now I will do my best to think positively always. |
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| Full moon tonightttt |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|01:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
Printed off some proofs of my angel plate. Turned out great! I can't wait to print onto real paper and paint her with watercolor. I figured out that I want her body and face yellow-her hair orange-and her wings and halo red. It is going to look suhweet!!!!!
I love waking up next to Andrew in the morning. That way I can look in his eyes and give him kisses and hugs and cuddles. It makes it harder to get out of bed but worth ittt
I have an exam today. I am not stressed about it at all for some reason. Lets hope thats a good thang:) |
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| My little strawberry... |
[Oct. 28th, 2009|01:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Company Segundo | ] |
...how could he possibly resist
gobbling you up?
Everything's going so well!
I cannot wait for Halloween.
I can't wait to work.
I can't wait to see Andrew again.
I cannot wait to grow old!
I cannot wait to go outside and stare all the trees dripping with fire.
I cannot wait to finish my angel print.
I cannot wait to get through my classes today, write a paper, and then study some more. OKay, maybe not that one SO much. But a little. I am just so happy and ready to live right now. I don't know where this new spirit came from but I hope to utilize it as much as possible before it flies away and escapes back into heaven again.
Gotta go to class.:D |
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| Writer's Block: Take the pain away |
[Oct. 24th, 2009|11:26 am] |
You were the first person that I opened my heart to and the first person to completely crush it.
no. I didn't feel that they would of even understood what that kind of pain feels like. I didn't even think to tell them how much pain they had caused me. All I wanted was to express how deeply in love with them I was in hopes that they would eventually realize their love for me. I had already made myself so vulnerable to them I didn't want to also show them how badly they had hurt me. I felt too embarrassed, just completely humiliated. I think I thought confessing my hurt to him would make the pain of it even worse. Probably because confessing my love for him was the most horribly terrifying and agonizing thing I have ever had to withstand in my life. I guess I should have known that I couldn't get any worse form there; only better. A LOT better. But who knows, maybe I will have the opportunity to tell him in person one day. |
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| new moon |
[Oct. 18th, 2009|01:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grumpy | ] |
I keep on crying about EVERYTHING! This, I know, is because I am about to start my period. But this never used to happen before I started dating Andrew. Now, once every month Andrew will say the littlest thing that isn't nice and I start balling my eyes out right in front of him and then we have to have a big deep talk about it and he ends up thinking he did something horribly wrong. I really do not want this to happen anymore but every time it happens it's totally to my surprise and so I have no idea how to avoid it for next time! I think I've just been holding a lot in when I am with him because I am so scared of him seeing my imperfections and hating me for them. I try to seem relaxed and confident because I am feeling tense and self-conscious. I do this for many reasons that I am just now beginning to figure out like; I think that I should feel relaxed because nothing is really happening that should make me feel tense-I only feel tense because i am around Andrew-and the reason I feel tense around Andrew is because I am TRYING to seem relaxed. OKay, I definitely just talked myself into a circle.
Anyways, basically I am just way too worried about the past and future when what I need to be doing is enjoying the present. Also, I just keep dwelling on my insecurities and the negatives when what I need to be doing is bringing out my good qualities and focusing on the positives in my life, which are many. I think I am just having a hard time with the transition right now. My life is just so drastically different from what it was before. And what it was before seemed to just disappear overnight like a dream. It makes me scared that the life I have built for myself now could just as easily poof itself out of existence. IT just makes me feel so vulnerable, small, and insignificant. But maybe that is because I am. I am human which means I am therefore really just a tiny ant on the great earth that is the universe. What I probably need to do more than anything is just accept this fact and roll with it. I am may not be important or big or safe but alive I am so might as well enjoy it the best I can before I'm not anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2009|05:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | nerdy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tv on the radio | ] |
Life seems to good to be true right now. I am enjoying it but a part of me is remaining very skeptical of everything happening- like I'm waiting for the boogey man to show up and ruin everything. Guess I'll just have to keep on believing in myself. I have tonight off work. Andrew is supposed to take us somewhere for a "date". He won't tell me anything about it. I'm really excited. I wanna get really beautiful for him:D |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2009|03:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | geeky | ] |
"Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you would not have in your home."—David Frost
I have to go to work soon. I actually get very excited right before work. Sometimes this leads to disappointment but for the most part it if usually confirmed. Something interesting happens just about every time I work. It is awesome. I do not even know how to begin to describe how lucky and special and blessed I feel for having that job. At times, I could swear that place just feels like home. Like the coming together of everything good I ever wanted and achieved or will achieve throughout my life. it has helped me renew my faith in the world! The universe even, and its powers of love! |
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| Writer's Block: Confessions of a couch potato |
[Oct. 3rd, 2009|03:31 pm] |
I can't say exactly how long it was but when I was a kid and teenager living at home I would watch tv all day everyday if there wasn't something else to do. I would sometimes interrupt it with eating or going to the bathroom but that's pretty much what I did when I was younger with
the exceptions of hanging out with friends or going to school. Now, I hardly watch it at all. If it is on in the same room I am I usually pretend to watch it but I'm mostly thinking about other things, especially things which may also be going on in the room around me. TV used to suck me in completely and now it barely has any power over me. Maybe if it's something especially captivating. Strange how things change as you age. Wow, I sound like a very old person! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|12:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Andrew Bird | ] |
What exactly is a "wild goose chase," anyway? Does it refer to a frenetic and futile hunt for an elusive prey that's never caught? Or might it also mean the meandering pursuit of a tricky quarry that after many convoluted twists and turns results in success and generates a lot of educational fun along the way? Either definition could apply to your wild goose chase in the next three weeks, Leo. Which one will ultimately win out will probably depend on two things: 1. how well you detect the false leads you get; 2. how determined you are to be amused rather than frustrated by all the twists and turns.
fre·net·ic or phre·net·ic (frə-nět'ĭk)
adj. Wildly excited or active; frantic; frenzied.
[Middle English frenetik, from Old French frenetique, from Latin phrenēticus, from Greek phrenītikos, from phrenītis, brain disease, from phrēn, mind; see gwhren- in Indo-European roots.]
fu·tile (fyōōt'l, fyōō'tīl')
adj.Having no useful result. Trifling and frivolous; idle: the futile years after her artistic peak.
Synonyms: These adjectives mean producing no result or effect: a futile effort; a barren search; bootless entreaties; fruitless labors; an unavailing attempt; a useless discussion; vain regrets.
Antonym: useful
e⋅lu⋅sive
–adjective
eluding clear perception or complete mental grasp; hard to express or define: an elusive concept. cleverly or skillfully evasive: a fish too elusive to catch.
Synonyms:
tricky, slippery, shifty; puzzling, baffling.
Origin:
1570–80; < L maeander < Gk maíandros a winding, special use of Maíandros, the Menderes River, noted for its winding course
Synonyms:
wander, wind, twist, snake, coil.
quar·ry 2 (kwôr'ē, kwŏr'ē)
n. pl. quar·ries
An open excavation or pit from which stone is obtained by digging, cutting, or blasting.
A rich or productive source: found the book an indispensable quarry of information.
To extract (facts, for example) by long, careful searching: finally quarried out the genealogy from hundreds of sources.
con·vo·lute (kŏn'və-lōōt')
adj. Rolled or coiled together in overlapping whorls, as certain leaves, petals, or shells.
intr. & tr.v. con·vo·lut·ed, con·vo·lut·ing, con·vo·lutes
To coil or fold or cause to coil or fold in overlapping whorls.
con⋅vo⋅lut⋅ed
–adjective
twisted; coiled.
complicated; intricately involved: a convoluted way of describing a simple device.
God, I love love love beautiful words with their beautiful meanings. So many of them yet they all seem to tie into each other like puppies all cuddled together trying to get to the same nipple.
Also, trying to find signs and metaphors for my life outside of myself. It always manages to make me feel love all over my body like the world is giving my a great big hug!(I think that ended up sounding dirty but oh well)
I dreamed you were a cosmonaut
of the space between our chairs
And I was a cartographer
of the tangles in your hair
I sang the song that silence sings
It's the one that everybody knows, everybody knows
The song that silence sings
And this is how it goes
These looms that weave apocrypha
they're hanging from a strand
The dark and empty rooms were full
of incandescent hands
The awkward pause
The fatal flaw
Time, it's a crooked bow
Time is a crooked bow
In time you need to learn, to love
The ebb just like the flow
Grab hold of your bootstraps, and pull like hell
until gravity feels sorry for you, and lets you go
As if you lack the proper chemicals to know
the way it felt the last time you let yourself fall this low
Time's a crooked bow
Time's a crooked bow
Time, it's a crooked bow
Fifty-five and three-eighths years later
At the bottom of a gigantic crater
An armchair calls to you
Yeah, and armchair calls to you
It says, someday, we'll get back at them all
With epoxy and a pair of pliers
As ancient sea slugs begin to crawl
through the ragweed and barbed wire
You didn't write
You didn't call
It didn't cross your mind at all
Through the waves
waves of hay and straw
You couldn't feel a thing at all
Fifty-five and three-eighths
Time
Fifty-five and three-eighths
Time
Time
See, now I just want to go and look up more definitions of some of the words of this song! It is an addiction, I swear. |
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| RAIN! |
[Sep. 26th, 2009|03:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dirty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | BECKKKK | ] |
I love you rain. So much I want to stand below you as you pour all over me while I'm dancing and singing and drinking you in. But instead I just watch you from my window. Mostly because there are thousands of foolish and crazy drunk people running around out there. I was already forced to encounter them once today while walking back from work and I don't wish to do it again.
Working at Kaya has brought on such mixed feelings. I am in love with that place for many reasons; the people and their smiling faces full of friendliness and insight. More times than not the costumers are more than happy to help me from making a mistake. And when I do they understand completely and are very patient in waiting for me to first fix it and then learn how to do it right. That is without even mentioning how helpful everyone that I work with is! All of my co-workers are nice and funny and interesting in there own way and Elly the manager is my age and completely amazing. Once again, totally understanding and kind and down-to-earth. Everyone surrounding that place has something special to offer. Which makes me feel special just working there. But then this is when my insecurities step in and I am left wondering why? why me. How did I get so lucky landing such an incredible job? I think to myself; I can't possible be because I am also kind and funny and interesting. What does this unique place full of unique people see in me? Even Elly's parents are wonderful and they just let her run Kaya the way that she wants without ever feeling the need to really interfere.
Sometimes being there feels like I am in a dream. I look around feeling outside of myself thinking is this real? I get that very same feeling when I with Andrew. I look at him through eyes of wonder. It is as if I am standing beside myself. It is both beautiful but scary. I feel happy and excited but self-conscious and doubtful. Sometimes the fear of losing it all is overwhelming.
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
Einstein
The cautious seldom err.
Confucius
Right now I am just trying to remember not to take it all so seriously. Have fun with your life! Laugh at yourself I think.. This has been a really big challenge for me lately. I have been starring into my own reflection too hard. Being overcritical of myself. I just want so badly for things to keep on going well. I am trying to not let the thoughts of failure and disappointment consume me. I picture them like monsters inside my head. They are very hungry! Feed me Rachel they say feed me(little shop of horrors anyone?).
I also hold this huge fear that I will someday run into Eli again. I try and watch out for him as I walk the sidewalk or cross the street- maybe so that I will have time to prepare myself or maybe so that I can run and hide. who knows. I just hate that he still crossing my mind. A part of me wishes I would just see him and then he'd be gone so that I could finally have it over with. Another part says no no no no! Seeing him will first hurt then a fresh wound then ache like healing. I know this can't be though because i have already healed, I think. Argh. See, this is why I must see him. Then I will KNOW. Then I will feel it and there will be no mistakes about what I am feeling-because, well, it's a feeling; you cannot deny a feeling. It takes you over. All I know is I love Andrew and I never loved Eli (like I thought I had) and I want Eli to see that in my eyes and for me to see him see that in my eyes. Then I will have closure. Then I will be fully healed.
Until then, my heart sits in my chest unsure.
I am sorry if this reads as depressing. I am actually very happy! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|01:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  intimidated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dredg | ] |
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
-Einstein
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
-Confucius
The brain is surrounded by a membrane containing veins and arteries. This membrane is filled with nerves of feeling. However, the brain itself has no feeling; if it is cut with a scalpel, the person feels no pain.
"We're all mutants," read the headline of a report on the latest genetic research. It turns out that like everyone else, you have between 100 and 200 mutations in your DNA -- absolutely new characteristics that were not passed down to you by your parents. To gather the evidence for this revelation, scientists had to sort through huge amounts of data; there are thousands of genes but only a few mutations. A Chinese scientist who was a member of the research team said that "finding this tiny number of mutations was more difficult than finding an ant's egg in an emperor's rice store." I predict that you will soon have a comparable experience, Leo: From an overwhelming array of choices, you'll be able to locate the rare catalysts you need.
I have to go to class. Business Ethics. Then computer lab. Then Women in Religion. Then work 6-11. This is where things start getting crazy!
Andrew plays open mic tonight though so I will get to gaze at him lovingly from behind the counter haha:D |
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| Well, if you want to sing out, sing out |
[Sep. 13th, 2009|06:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Cat stevens is so stuck in my head! | ] |
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are
This morning we went out and bought stuff for making french toast. We got some flax seed bread (which is really good and really good for you!), cinnamon, sugar, and eggs. Everything but syrup which we realized after arriving home:/ So we used honey and peanut butter. What a blessing in disguise that mistake was.
I love my job. Yesterday I got to work by myself and it was so great. I could play whatever music I wanted so I put on some cat stevens, then frou frou, and frontier ruckus. Then I learned how to do all of the 9 oclock closing jobs like taking out the trash, cleaning the kitchen, and counting the till-which was what I was the most nervous about! I hate dealing with money and math it makes me so scared of making a mistake. But one of the girls who works there, Jacqueline, came in just to help me and encourage me. It was soo nice! and she was SO helpful. Even when I was leaving she kept telling me what a good job I did. It made me feel so good about myself. I felt liberated and accomplished. And surrounded by good people that I love!
I can't believe Central beat State. I am so proud of us. We RAWK!
I want another tattoo really bad
It was raining earlier. I'm sad it went away.
The special about the girl crying blood in on tonight!
And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are |
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| I know what I know |
[Sep. 3rd, 2009|04:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Andrew Birdddd | ] |
My life seems to be changing at a rapid pace right now. It is kind of frightening but all of the changes have been for "the good". Now, whenever I stumble upon that phrase I will think of my philosophy courses and how they asked me the question of what that is until my brains started oozing out my ears. Not really, but it is driving me crazy. Yes, it is all of the things I love to ponder. It is things which are always on my mind, but that is just the thing! I want something new. I feel like my professors are just recycling my own thoughts back to me over and over and I can't seem to break free of them. I want to move forward in my thinking. I want to be learning new things-not rethinking over those things which I've already learned time and time again. It is beginning to make me feel smart-which I am not so sure is a good thing (I worry my head with grow too big for my body.) I have never felt that. I have always admired my sister's intelligence and she has always told me how she admires my social skills and my blond hair and fair skin. Which, of course, I always equated this with me being a ditz. I can make friends and smile a lot and look pretty and for as long as I can remember that is all people have really ever cared about. My family has always focused on giving my compliments on my looks and then immediately turning their attentions to what Sarah is studying and how her career path is coming along.
So, needless to say, I have never felt like a truly intelligent person and if it turns out that I am due to some sort of miracle I will be incredibly shocked! I am not entirely sure if there is any real way of knowing that you know a lot, knowledge is weird in a ton of ways but especially in that way- even when you have it you can't know that you have it.
we are 1% away from a full moon! Moon, i love you.
I get to build a frame loom, paint a mural, and make flyers for walmart protestors this weekend! Oh, and I get to work which is awesome! My job rawks. I found out the other day that Kaya means weed. It is actually the name of one of Bob Marley's albums. So basically, I am a barista for the weed coffee house! how cool is that???
Jumpin out my skin
the skin I'm in |
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| Well you know how it looks |
[Aug. 31st, 2009|04:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | dorky | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Chumbawamba | ] |
When you close
All your books on the table
And you stare into space
Trying to decide the way now
And you wait at the light
And watch for a sign
That you're breathing
'Cause you can't choose
To live on air
And float to the ceiling
me mum is coming up tomorrow yay:D
It is almost a full moon
It is also just about to be the end of August, my favorite month (mostly because it is the hottest month of the year and also my BIRFDAY!)
I still need to go to the Secretary of State and have them renew my license. That among many many others...It seems the more and more things I accomplish the more and more things there are to accomplish still. argh. life, you are so persistent. But this is also why I love you.
That seems to be the running theme right now-contradictory statements. First I love life then I hate it. First I desire death then fear it. First I avoid pain and seek pleasure then I realize I must first endure pain in order to extract pleasure from life. I am growing sick of hearing always about one extreme or the other-these examples resemble movies and soap operas, not real life! Real people exhibit each end of the spectrum. Real life has both ups and downs, blacks and whites, war and peace. There is no clear way in telling wrong from right, good from evil, they are one in the same, each a part of the other-they complete each other. So, in my opinion, all we can do is be honest. The search for truth is our only journey. That way, it is not about one way or another-there is only one way-the real one. Although, i suppose that is just one more division of the world as we know it; real vs. fake.
So I guess I'm just another dimwit who thinks I am much smarter than I am trying to raise my voice louder than everyone elses. I swear there is no winning this game. Look at that! another competition-winning vs. losing.
Aristotle said it was virtue which leads us down the path towards happiness. Or maybe that is just another way of saying the more virtuous you are the happier-the more vices you resort to the sadder you will be. virtue good. vice bad. sounds like a bunch of the same old bullshit to me.
Alright, this is turning into a huge rant. I should probably just go to class. Off to learn about women in religion. |
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peauty's journal
